Eyecatching

If you've been searching for a way to attract curious, suspicious, and sometimes hostile stares at bus stops and in waiting rooms, I've got a hot tip for you. Just borrow my copy of "Heil Hitler, das Schwein ist tot!" ("Heil Hitler, the Pig is Dead!") People will only recognize the first two words and won't know what to make of them (and, by extension, you). Good times will be had by all!

I just finished reading it and if it weren't in German, I would say READ IT! READ IT NOW! Since it's in German, though, I'll say LEARN GERMAN! LEARN GERMAN NOW! THEN READ IT! READ IT THEN!

The book chronicles the evolution of jokes about the Nazis (and also of the punishments for telling these jokes) from the earliest years of the party up to the 1990s. Herzog gives lots of examples and makes some good points about the nature of many "anti-Nazi" jokes told during the Third Reich - namely, that they weren't actually political in nature; they focused on the personal foibles of the Nazi leadership (Goebbels walked with a limp, Göring loved his military service medals, etc.) and weren't seen as any real threat to the regime.

To draw a parallel, when I make a joke about how Stephen Harper had to have his picture taken with a kitten to prove he's not a robot, this is in no way dangerous to Stephen Harper's government because it's not aimed at his policies. In fact, if I basically support Stephen Harper,* this joke might even make me like him better - after all, we tease the people we love.

I'm going to leave you with a translation of the titular joke, which was told in the closing days of the war, as Germans began to realize that they were going to lose the war and some jokes became more openly hostile to the Nazi leadership.

Hitler and his chauffeur are driving through the countryside when, all of a sudden, they feel a bump and realize they've run over a chicken. Hitler says to his chauffeur, "We've got to tell the farmer. I'll do it - I'm the Führer, he will understand." Two minutes later Hitler comes running back to the car, rubbing his jaw - the farmer punched him. They drive on. A few miles down the road, they feel another bump - they've run over a pig. Hitler says to his chauffeur, "This time, you get to tell the farmer." The chauffeur obeys this order and comes back to the car an hour later, drunk on good wine and carrying a basket full of sausages and cheese. Hitler is amazed and says, "What did you tell them?" The chauffeur responds, "All I said was 'Heil Hitler! The pig is dead!' and they gave me all these presents!"

* I don't, just so we're clear.

Wahlkampf

I might need to change the name of this blog to "German Jokez 4 Life", but I couldn't resist this one. It's an election joke + German joke hybrid. Mathematically irresistible!

*mit = with, ohne = without

Now you get it! Now you're LOLing! ROFLing? I sure hope so.

Linguistic differences

As previously discussed, I love the German language. But as also previously discussed, I love JOKEZ more.

Where's Özil?

So, the European Championship is on and people are excited enough about it that I would need to wear earplugs if I wanted to sleep on game nights. Football, guys, right? Right? And despite Germany's aforementioned lack of diversity, Nuremberg seems to have a contingent of fans from every European country, so it's not just Germany's game nights but every game night. So, every night. But I digress.

 Moving on: remember this guy?

His name is Mesut Özil and he plays for Germany and he was pretty good in the World Cup in 2010 but apparently he's not doing so well in the Euro Championship this year? Whatever, not the point. This is the point:

Hah. Get it? Because he makes that face all the time. Seriously, google him and you'll see.

Not romantic

Disclaimer: I really like the German language. I like speaking it and listening to it and singing in it. However, I also like making jokes about it, and this one is funny.

I'm still not entirely sure why so many people think German is a harsh language. I mean sure, it's no French, and it has quite a lot of ch and sch sounds, but GIVE IT A CHANCE. Anyway, ask me sometime and I'll say nice things to you in German. We'll rehabilitate German's rep yet.

Incidentally, check this out if you've ever wondered why Romance languages are called Romance languages and if it's connected to romance. Spoiler alert: it is, but not in the way you probably think.

Basically the best joke

Q. What comes between fear and sex?

A. Fünf.

If you don't get it, you can see me after class.

As promised

I'm loling for sure.

Glühbirne

In the interests of giving you something to talk about at cocktail parties (you're welcome), I'm going to teach you some of my favourite German words.

First up (and closest to my heart) is the German word for lightbulb - Glühbirne (glue-beer-nuh) - which literally means glowpear. Because it's shaped like a pear and it glows, see?

In German, all the nouns (as opposed to just proper nouns) are capitalized. The more you know! Which brings me to a joke with two punchlines:

Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One.

Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Ve are asking ze qvestions!