Pretzels and schnitzel and sauerkraut, oh my!

My American friend Catherine (hi Catherine!) from Mainz (aka where I lived my first year in Germany) sent me this link to a post about Bavarian food, and it's both accurate and funny. Go read it.

Yes, I have eaten everything on that list and yes, everything on that list is delicious. And yes, before anyone asks, I have given up even the pretense of partial vegetarianism for the duration of my stay in Germany. There is just too much delicious meat in this country.

I foolishly waited almost a year and a half in Germany before trying sauerkraut because, let's be honest: sauerkraut does not look appetizing, nor does it smell appetizing. But you shouldn't judge a pile of pickled cabbage by its cover, because proper German sauerkraut is the food of the gods. Hence, I give you the first commandment of foreign food:

Thou shalt first judge, when thou putteth a foreign foodstuff in thy mouth, cheweth, and swalloweth.

Obedience to this commandment is how I ended up eating a dried caterpillar a few weeks back, but that's a story for another time.

The art of seduction

On Thursday I got a little reminder that my German is not perfect when, instead of yelling "Who wants to hear my pick-up line?", I yelled "Who wants me to turn them on?" Now, it's not my fault that in German, the direct translation of pick-up line is turn-on line. It is, however, my fault that I used the verb instead of the noun. 

Although, come to think of it, "Who wants me to turn them on?" probably counts as a pick-up line. A very, very direct pick-up line.

Füncar

This is how you spell fun in German!*


*It's not.

Not romantic

Disclaimer: I really like the German language. I like speaking it and listening to it and singing in it. However, I also like making jokes about it, and this one is funny.

I'm still not entirely sure why so many people think German is a harsh language. I mean sure, it's no French, and it has quite a lot of ch and sch sounds, but GIVE IT A CHANCE. Anyway, ask me sometime and I'll say nice things to you in German. We'll rehabilitate German's rep yet.

Incidentally, check this out if you've ever wondered why Romance languages are called Romance languages and if it's connected to romance. Spoiler alert: it is, but not in the way you probably think.

Addition

If I told you I liked Germany because of the Packstationen (What's a Packstation, you ask? Patience...), you might call me weird (or unique, if you were trying to be nice). But it's one of many little things I like about Germany, and those little things add up.

So, a Packstation is an ingenious mail-delivery device. If you're not home when your package is delivered, you get a delivery slip which directs you to a Packstation (on a street-corner near you), which looks like this:


Actually, usually they're a lot yellower. This one is an anomaly. There, you type in your number and sign your name on the touch screen and then a little door pops open and you get your package. Like this:

And then you're all like this:


I don't actually get to use the Packstationen anymore, because I live over a lovely shop where the owners accept my packages and smile at me when I go to pick them up. But they exist and that's enough.

Basically the best joke

Q. What comes between fear and sex?

A. Fünf.

If you don't get it, you can see me after class.

German snow pants

Germans do not wear lederhosen and dirndls as often as you think (or would like to think). In fact, unless you're in Bavaria, they probably don't wear lederhosen or dirndls at all. Boooooooooooo. This is obviously a huge disappointment for people (no one in particular, I'm sure) who purchased a dirndl in hopes - nay, in expectation - of having many opportunities to wear it and, three years later, have never worn it.

But this happened.

This guy takes the cake. Literally: if I had had cake, I would have given it to him. Not that he needs it, because he's doing just fine.

Your phone rings

Maybe I've been teaching English too long (I have, thank you), but apparently role-play cards are what pass for humour in my life these days. These ones (for a class on telephoning) made me laugh.

                A. Your friend just borrowed your car to go get some more beer.
                     Call him (on his cell phone) to remind him to get some chips and salsa.
                B. You borrowed your friend's car to get more beer. You have just driven
                     into a lamppost. Your cell phone rings.

                A. You are away on vacation in San Francisco. You have a lot of beautiful
                     plants. Call your son/daughter to find out how your plants are doing.
                B. You promised your mother that you would water her plants while she was
                     away on vacation. You forgot. The plants are dead. Your phone rings.

I think I'm going to start talking in ominously short sentences and ending every conversation with "your phone rings".

P.S. Credit where credit is due: the cards are from www.eslpartyland.com.

This is such stuff as dreams are made on

Grillen is one of my favourite things about German summer. As soon as it's warm enough to sit outside in the evenings, most conversations seem to go like this: "Oh hey, what should we do tonight? I KNOW LET'S GRILL SOMETHING!" And judging by this find, this summer's going to be the best yet.

I feel like this is pretty self-explanatory.

Chocolate.
Fondue.
For the BBQ.

You get it. I'll keep you posted.